Sloganza™

B2L2 has an open submission policy for its slogan (leave a comment below or send an email to dsbnola[at]gmail.com). However, the selection process is opaque and poorly understood. You probably don’t want to give us a slogan and that’s fine. Keep your damn slogan. But let it be known that on a sometimes daily basis I update the slogan at B2L2. Often this slogan has been constructed by someone else. Below is an archive of our slogans (in reverse chronological order).

— Derek Bridges

Sloganza 9: The Government Stole My Heart from B2 L2 on Vimeo.

• COFFEE FUELS MY RAGE MACHINE
• ASK US ABOUT OUR YOUTH MINISTRY
• LET US DESIGN YOUR NEXT SOUP
• I JUST WANT TO FIND 11,780 UNICORNS
• A LITTLE CHEESE, A LITTLE FEBREZE
• ADIOS, REDNECKS
• THIS WOULD MAKE A GREAT DOCUMENTARY
• CONSUMER TIPS FROM YOUR CORPORATE MASTERS
• NEVER ASK RHONDA FOR HELP, EVER
• CAR WASH NOT INTERESTING, STUDY SHOWS
• TRY FOUR CUPS OF COFFEE
• YES, CONSPIRATORIAL, NOT CONSPIRACIST
• PIRATE THURSDAY NOW EVERY DAY
• MONSTER TRUCK ‘RAMINATOR’ AWARDED MEDAL OF FREEDOM
• THOSE NUGGETS ARE GROSSING ME OUT
• WE TURN RED LIGHTS GREEN
• SOME OF US ARE DISGUISED AS TINY BIRDS
• PLEASE ACCEPT THIS FALCON AS A TOKEN OF OUR APPRECIATION
• NO ONE EVER SAID EXTINCTION WOULD BE EASY
• NEW, IMPROVED KITTENS IN A BASKET COMING SOON
• MISREMEMBERED UNDERSTANDINGS
• USE THE DOLLY
• WHERE IMMUNITY IS ALWAYS GRANTED
• DISORIENTATION OPTIONAL
• REMOVING TOXINS AND UPGRADING DNA SINCE 2011
• I’M FINE I TOOK METHOCARBAMOL
• OUR ADS COME PRE-BLOCKED
• OUR EXECUTIVE ORDERS AFFECT ONLY THE FOURTH DIMENSION
• PASSWORD HINT: SCENT FROM SHOEBOX FOUND IN REMOTE WYOMING RAVINE
• FERAL BECAUSE IT FEELS SO DAMN GOOD
• TRUMP NOMINATES MONSTER TRUCK TO SUPREME COURT
• CATS, DOGS STUNNED BY TRUMP CABINET PICKS
• IT’S MOURNING AGAIN IN AMERICA
• SAMPLING VARIABILITY SINCE 2009
• WE FOUND YOUR KEYS
• WHERE REGRETS SWIM WITH THE FISHES
• FLEA MARKET TO THE STARS
• NOW UNGLUED!
• WE TOLD YOUR PARENTS
• CLICK TO DAYLIGHT
• NONE DARE CALL IT PROUST
• DON’T MAKE US CLOSE THE BRIDGE
• WE WEREN’T JOKING ABOUT THE ELEPHANT
• A TINGE OF TOO MUCH
• WE TOOK IT SO IT MUST BE OURS
• REMAIN TEMPORARILY ALARMED
• MOODY AND TEMPERAMENTAL
• THE RICH ARE ENTITLED TO THEIR BLUES
• I GREW UP IN A DYSFUNCTIONAL GOVERNMENT
• PUT THE CANS ON YOUR SKYLAB
• YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GET THAT LOOKED AT
• COLORADO AND WASHINGTON, EH?
• FOR A POLYGAMATRIARCHAL TOMORROW … TODAY
• DAYGLO MELODIES SHAGGING FOR FUN AND PROFIT
• STICKY, SWEET AND SLIPPERY
• YOU’RE STANDING ON MY PATRIOTWEAR BELLBOTTOMS
• NEW DIMENSIONS IN IDIOT HUSBANDRY
• THE ALGORITHM TORE ITS ACL
• THE ALGORITHM CAN BE OVERRIDDEN
• HEAVY ON THE EVIL
• NIGHTLY LIKE A BABY IGUANA
• COME FOR THE HYPE, STAY FOR THE SHARK JUMP
• MOVING THE PRODUCT LIKE CHAMPIONS
• MELODIES OF UTAH
• ZONING PERMIT PENDING
• THE MOOSE IS NON-RETURNABLE
• SPF 600
• BEST RESULTS IF TAKEN SUBLINGUALLY
• WHAT, NO T-SHIRT?
• SLAP ON A HAPPY FACE
• WHO’S MY LITTLE SUPERSTAR?
• EXCESSIVE HUMMING WILL BE TICKETED
• SINGING THE REFRACTORY PERIOD BLUES
• NOW WITH SCRATCH AND SNIFF BYLINES
• NOT FIT FOR THE PROPHET MOTIVE
• THE ALPHA DOG OVERDOSED ON BETA BLOCKERS
• WE SKYPE WITH DOLPHINS
• PUT PENCIL DOWN AND EAT TEST
• THE EIGHTH DIMENSION HAS ICE
• LIKE A BABY ASPIRIN
• OUR CATS MAKE MUSIC
• FINALLY, A MUSICAL ABOUT CATS
• TRENDS IN CONTEMPLATIVE DISSONANCE
• HEY, THAT’S MY EUROZONE
• WHAT, NO HUG?
• THEY GAVE US THE SHAG
• CAN ALSO BE READ FROM BEHIND
• YOU’RE STANDING ON MY EYELIDS
• A WEAPONIZED DISNEY PRINCESS FOR A NEW DAY
• AN HONORABLE GERMAN SLOGAN
• FOR GUTTER OR BUTTER*
• STICKY SIDE OUT
• STANDING WITH THE NO WAGE AMERICAN WORKER
• OUR FIREWORKS ARE STRICTLY PSYCHOLOGICAL
• WE APPLAUD YOUR CHOICE OF REFRESHING BEVERAGE
• WE APPLAUD YOUR CHOICE OF BREAKFAST CEREAL
• NOT RUINING IT FOR ANYBODY
• IF THERE’S CATERING, IT’S NOT WAR
• YOU WON’T HAVE TO HIT THE POUND KEY AFTER YOU MAKE YOUR SELECTION
• YOU GOING TO EAT THAT?
• NUMBER 666 IN YOUR HYMNAL
• WE STIMULATE THE OTHER ECONOMIES
• RETINAL SCAN COMPLETE
• THERE’S SMOKE COMING OUT OF THE MOUSE
• WE REPRESENT THE LOLLIPOP GUILD
• LET’S ELECT A RICH WHITE GUY PRESIDENT
• ROTATIONAL VELOCITY WITH A TWIST
• GO AHEAD, HAVE ANOTHER
• IT’S OUR TINFOIL JUBILEE
• OUR PENCILS HAVE PENCILS
• THE ROAD, THE HIGHWAY, THE BIG SLAB
• IF YOU PLAY WITH FIRE … WELL, YOU GOTTA LOVE THAT
• MEMBER HARRY FERGUSON APPRECIATION SOCIETY
• WHO’S MY LITTLE NINJA ASSASSIN?
• THESE ARE ALARMINGLY MOTIVATED AUNTS
• ALL MOLES WHACKED
• YOU CAN CHARGE THAT ONE TO THE GAME
• ANOTHER HARDY BOYS ADVENTURE
• OH GOD NOT THE LEECHES
• TAKE A BIG CUT AND FOLLOW THROUGH
• OUR HAMSTERS HAVE MICROCHIP IMPLANTS
• LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE PUT ROOFIES IN THE TOFU
• DICK LUGAR … WASN’T HE IN ROBOCOP?
• NOW 100% SAFER AGAINST FAKE TERRORIST ATTACK
• FOURTEEN HAMMERS IS BLISS
• FIFTEEN HAMMERS IS PROBLEM TERRITORY
• SOMEBODY FORGOT TO PUT THE CAP BACK ON AGAIN
• STRAIGHT LINES GO NOWHERE
• IT’S TIME TO PLACE YOUR HEAD ON YOUR DESK
• IT WON’T HURT A BIT
• WATCH OUT FOR THE PEANUT BUTTER
• ATTRACTS BEES & BUTTERFLIES
• TRY STRAWBERRY PRESERVES ONCE IN A WHILE
• THE GAUGES LOOK GOOD
• ASK YOUR PHARMACIST FOR A B2L2 SHOT
• DON’T COST NOTHIN’
• ASK MOM OR DAD FOR DETAILS
• SWEET POTATO MYSTERY SOLVED
• PUT THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT

Sloganza 10 from B2 L2 on Vimeo.

• WE TOOK A COUPLE OF LESSONS
• TELL ME ABOUT IT, HAIRBALL
• WHERE WORLDS COLLIDE
• OUR PRICES ARE INSANE
• WE ONLY PLAY DEFENSE WHEN WE FEEL LIKE IT
• LOOK IT UP, MOOKIE
• IF YOU WANNA MAKE AN OMELETTE, YOU GOTTA WRECK A FEW BUICKS
• DISCO DOWN AND CHECK OUT THE SHOW
• ETCH A SKETCH THIS, FOOLS
• LOVE SOMEBODY
• WHERE SUCCESS STREET MEETS ACHIEVEMENT AVENUE
• NOW WITH DUCK LOCATOR
• SLICKER THAN OTTERS
• THIS IS MY POKER FACE
• MILLIONS CHEER SQUIRRELS
• POWER TO THE SQUIRRELS
• POWERED BY SQUIRRELS
• YOUR NON-AGGRESSIVE CARE PROVIDER
• WE’RE ALL GONNA PIE
• FORMERLY MODERN BULLFIGHTER
• WE’LL FIX THAT IN POST
• FOR HOME AND INDUSTRY
• WE CALL IT PARTY TYME
• ASK YOUR PHONE
• I’LL GET THE MOP
• I HEAR YOU, MAN
• WE HAVE COME FOR YOUR TUBAS
• STRUCTURAL ENGINEERS FOR JESUS, LLC
• DISSENT ACCELERATOR
• SMUDGE GENERATOR
• LIZARD’S DAY OUT
• CONCERNED ABOUT MISSILES
• BONONUCLEOSIS
• FINDING THE LINE BETWEEN SICKNESS AND ILLNESS
• NOW WITH CLANDESTINE CHICKEN
• THE HORROR.
• THE POWER. THE GLORY.
• THAT’S A HUMAN EAR ALL RIGHT
• SANSABELT WARRIORS
• MAKING GIRAFFES EVEN TALLER
• THE COMPOUND FRACTURE KAW LIJA
• THAT’S HIGH-WATER KEITEL
• WHAT’S WRONG WITH BILLY’S EYEBROWS?
• REVOLUTIONARY AIMS, EVOLUTIONARY GAINS
• NOW IN BETAMAX
• DYSTOPIAN FABLES FOR THE SEMI-LITERATE
• CONTENTS UNDETERRED BY THAT GHASTLY SMELL
• NOW WITH MAGIC UNDERWEAR
• LIKE THE NIGHT TRAIN STALLED AT THE CROSSING
• SO SUE ME ALREADY
• DESPITE YOUR PLEAS FOR MERCY
• ACCEPTING NEW PHILOSOPHIES
• DUSTIN HOFFMAN’S COUSIN LIKES US
• ATTACK OF THE SHORT DOGS
• CLEAN SLATES SOILED HERE
• SPEAR GUN FIGHT IN FIVE MINUTES
• UNANIMOUS INDIVIDUALITY
• MANUFACTURED IN ABSENTIA
• 300+ DAYS OF SUNSHINE
• THE CLOWNS KNOW ABOUT YOU
• DOUBLE THE TROUBLE, DOUBLE THE FUN
• TRAVERSING THE SALT FLATS AT NIGHT
• TEACHING PATIENCE WHILE LOSING IMPULSE CONTROL
• KEEP LAUGHING, MONKEY BOY
• SEQUENCING UNEASY NARRATIVES
• NUCLEAR FOOTBALL LEAGUE
• NO ONE REMEMBERS YOUR NAME EITHER
• HIPSTER FACIAL HAIR OPTIONAL
• MANUFACTURED IN A FACILITY THAT ALSO PROCESSES HOOEY
• NOW AVAILABLE IN A THERAPIZATION CREAM
• THE GOVERNMENT STOLE MY HEART
• YOUR OWN PERSONAL RAY GUN
• THE SETTINGS HAVE ALL CHANGED
• A DOGLIKE ABILITY TO EAT ANYTHING
• UNANIMOUS PULVERATOR
• IF PIGS COULD FLY, THAT WOULD BE ORDINARY
• U.S. ALIEN INVASION: 300+ YEARS UNABATED
• NO ONE REMEMBERS FAULKNER’S DOG
• ACCEPTING NEW PATIENTS
• NOTHING UNUSED ON OUR DESKTOP
• WHAT’S WRONG WITH GOAT’S BLOOD?
• ASK ME ABOUT MY CHILEAN REALTOR
• ALL HAT AND NO CATTLE
• AN EFFICIENT TOOL WITH MULTIPLE USES
• TWICE AS HANDSOME
• HAMBURGER STABILIZATION & RENEWAL
• PLEASE DETACH AND RETURN WHATEVER YOU GOT
• TERTIARY CONCERNS ARE BESIDE THE POINT
• THESE SHOES STILL WALK GOOD
• DREAMING OF AN ARMY OF APE WARRIORS
• GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, PEOPLE OF THE FUTURE
• DON’T FORGET THE CUMIN
• LIKE A SEAT ON THE LAST CHOPPER OUT
• SEQUENCING THE SMUDGE GENOME
• ORBITING THE EARTH AND GATHERING INTELLIGENCE
• SMUDGE INTEGRITY BUREAU
• CONTENTS UNDETERRED BY SPECULATIVE MISGIVINGS
• FASTER
• THE BEEPS WILL INCREASE IN FREQUENCY DESPITE YOUR PLEAS
• THIS MONSTER DOES NOT HAVE A BOX
• CHECK YOUR OIL AND ANTIFREEZE
• TRYING TO HAVE A TEACHING MOMENT HERE
• PRESS F8 FOR FOOD
• WE CAN CONFIRM OR DENY THAT
• SMUDGE RELOCATION EXPERTS
• NO POINT MENTIONING THOSE BATS
• CRY FOR THE UNICORN
• OPERATING AT MAXIMUM VARMINT CAPACITY
• HAVE YOU LOOKED UNDER THE COUCH LATELY?
• DARKNESS FALLS BUT GRAVITY STUMBLES
• NOT SCARING ANYBODY
• THROWING CAUTION A BALL TO PLAY WITH
• NOW WITH ALEC BALDWIN ACTION FIGURE
• FORMERLY DOGCATCHERS FOR CHRIST LLC
• THAT NIGHT TRAIN’S A MEAN WINE
• TRAVERSING SPECTACULAR REALMS AT GO-KART SPEED
• THINGS IN THE MIDDLE DON’T COME IN PAIRS
• NOW WITH RADIOACTIVE WOLVES
• BUILDING A BETTER THING FOR YOUR MACHINE
• DISSOLVES WHEN PINCHED
• SOME GUY FLIPPING A COIN IN JAKARTA
• THEM BEANS IS DONE
• A MORE ACTIVE STATE OF ALERT
• NOW WITH INTELLIGENT MONGOOSE
• WE DON’T WANT NO SHOOTIN’, VIENNA
• YOU GOT THE WRONG DOCTOR
• NOW YOU CAN PANIC!
• NEW TAMPER-PROOF CONTAINER
• IT’S “MR. LOAF” TO YOU, PAL
• MESMERIZED BY GIBBERISH
• NOW WITH WILDCAT OFFENSE
• TEMPORARY CAN LAST A LONG TIME
• CHANGE IS LIKE BREAKING A DOLLAR
• ONE OF RUSSIA’S MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELORS
• NATION-BUILDING WITH CHEMICALS AND ELECTRICITY
• ENTROPY REALLY GETS ME DOWN
• I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW I HAD A WAY OF LIFE
• THE PRESENT REALLY IS EXTREMELY SHORT
• IT WAS AN HONEST BEATING MISTAKE
• NONE OF MY VENN DIAGRAMS OVERLAP
• I COULD KILL YOU WITH MY MIND, BUT IT WOULD BE TOO DAMN EASY
• LITTLE REVEALS THE GULLIBILITY OF HUMANS LIKE 99¢
• ONLINE SINCE WE SOLD THE FURNITURE
• SOONER OR LATER, THE MUSIC OF YOUR LIFE
• TAMMY’S IN LOVE
• NOW WITH ANTIDEPRESSANTS
• WE CAN’T HAVE PIZZA FOR BREAKFAST EVERY MORNING
• KIND OF LIKE THE MATRIX, ONLY STINKIER
• FORTUNE’S NINNY
• NOW BROADCASTING ON HUMAN AND CANINE FREQUENCIES
• IT JUST SEEMS LIKE SLOW MOTION
• I’M NOT SURE I WANT TO MINGLE WITH THIS SPECIES
• EVERY DAY CAN’T HAVE A SLOGAN
• HORNY MONGOOSE ATE ME
• WHAT IS ITCHING? DON’T KNOW DO YOU?
• GRAVITY WILL WIN
• NO SLOGAN TODAY
• IT’S BETTER IN TRIPLICATE
• THERE’S THE RIGHT AND WHAT’S LEFT
• PACIFISTS GONE BAD
• ALL BUILDINGS ARE HISTORIC STRUCTURES
• DON’T YELL FIRE IN HELL. NOBODY LISTENS.
• IT’S UPHILL BOTH WAYS FROM HERE
• DRIVEN BY ENNUI
• EVERY MUSCLE MUST BE TIGHT
• “WATCH WHAT YOU SAY” AND “LISTEN TO WHAT YOU SEE”
• AMAZE THE WELKIN WITH YOUR BROKEN STAVES
• THAT’S EXACTLY WHY NOT
• IN THE MARKET FOR A MOUSE, BUD?
• WE SHOOT DAY FOR NIGHT
• FOLLOW THE YELLOW LIGHTS TO THE HORIZON
• NEVER PREPARED, ALWAYS READY
• PARANOID AND PROUD OF IT
• SOMEWHERE, SOMEONE IS SEEKING THE LOWEST COMMON DENOMINATOR
• IT’S NOT MY FAULT
• PUNK ROCK WHEELIES
• WHY FOUR FINGERS AND A THUMB?
• THE THING JUST FELL OFF THE TABLE
• HOLD ON TIGHT. TIGHTER.
• RAISE THE CAP ON THE ATTENTION DEFICIT
• THE FIZZ IN YOUR SODAPOP
• WHERE IS OUR NEXT COWBOY?
• ONLY TWO PARTIES AND NEITHER IS ANY FUN
• PUT THE UKULELE DOWN NOW
• FLASH WHEN BYPASSING
• NOW WITH 10% LESS CONFUSION
• YOUR BALL, HOTSHOT
• NOW WITH SUPERPOWERS
• HEY! YOU THERE! SING LOUDER!
• WILL GLADLY PAY YOUR TUESDAY FOR A HAMBURGER TODAY
• WHERE EVERY DAY, OPTIONS BLOOM, BEAR FRUIT, SHRIVEL AND DIE
• ELIMINATING TAXES LEADS TO HUGE SURPLUSES
• I AM ROCK AND ROLL!
• NOW WITH 10% MORE SASS
• SORRY, WE SOLD OUR LAST SLOGAN
• LIGHTNING CHANGES THINGS
• IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCE
• THE SPARKLE IN YOUR CHINA
• IT’S NOW TIME TO CHANGE BACK AGAIN
• NOW WITH UPLIFTING MOTOWN SOUNDTRACK
• HEY! NEITHER THE RICH, NOR THE POOR, BUY ALL THE CRAP WE MAKE
• YOUR PAPER RAINCOAT
• IT’S THE POLITICIANS, STUPID
• FOLK SINGERS RIOT
• THIS SLOGAN WILL NOT RUN UNTIL TOMORROW
• EITHER THIS WALLPAPER GOES OR I DO
• 
• GENETIC ENGINEERS FINALLY CREATED CHICKENS WITH TEETH
• PROVEN SUSPENSE GENERATOR
• ASK YOUR MOM
• LEAKING VALVES NOTWITHSTANDING
• UNLOCK AND UNLOAD
• OY! AGAIN WITH THE VAMPIRES
• IT’S FREE — GET OVER IT
• CONSEQUENCES HAVE ACTIONS
• FREE RANGE FUNK
• SIDE EFFECTS MAY VARY
• ANDY WARHOL. WHO IS THAT?
• WE’LL FIX THAT AFTER THE SURGE
• BYPASS WHEN FLASHING
• YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN FUNKY
• PIMPS DON’T CRY
• CONSULT MANUAL FOR NON-STANDARD OPERATING PROCEDURES
• BACK IT UP. BACK IT UP. TO THE LEFT. TO THE LEFT. NOW JUMP
• SWORN TO FUN, LOYAL TO A SELECT FEW
• SECURITY THROUGH INSECURITY
• THE NEIGHBORS IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD ARE DISORGANIZED AND FORGETFUL
• DON’T LOOK NOW BUT HE’S WATCHING US
• COMPETENT TO STAND TRIAL
• BE TEMPORARILY ALARMED
• MANY OPTIONS ARE ON THE TABLE AND WE’RE NOT GOING TO TELL YOU WHICH ONES
• IT ISN’T MORE THAN A FEELING
• WE’LL TRY NOT TO HOLD IT AGAINST YOU
• LIFE IS JUST A DREAM. WITH NERVE ENDINGS.
• 
• DON’T EAT THAT STUFF