Displaced Aggression League Report — Week 7
This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Take off the turban, remove the crown. It will not be as it was: The lowly will be exalted and the exalted will be brought low. A ruin! A ruin! I will make it a ruin! — Ezekiel 21:26
Like a slow-orbiting comet or the McRib sandwich, truly epic upsets don’t come around very often; and when they do, it’s an occasion worth noting with appropriate solemnity. Such was the case in Week 7 when the 12th-place Wackers’ put a DavidVs.Goliath-style Kybosh on 2nd-place Gonk’s Revenge. It was an outcome that no one expected, and was all the more dramatic because the scales weren’t tipped until the last 60 seconds of the game. A loss like that is like diarrhea on prom night, and an ominous indication that, should such trends continue, Revenge may be on their way to ending the season sleeping under a bridge and using muscatel as hand sanitizer.
This stunning development alarmed the genteel and privileged elite, comprised of a handful of top teams who, up until now, have contentedly-jockeyed for advantage from week to week without facing any real danger of dropping into Our Beloved League’s vulgar middle-tier. Gonk’s Revenge plummeted from 2nd- to 6th-place in the blink of an eye, while the Duestakers snatched the coveted 1st-place-crown from the bruised and scarred forehead of N.O. Brass, whose Week 7 fortunes plummeted along with those of their beloved Saints.
Elsewhere, the Gridiron Goddess had a particularly cruel laugh at the expense of the Blue Devils, who lost out on an unlikely 39-point explosion by a benched receiver over the weekend, but nevertheless marched gamely into Monday night facing a 75 point deficit against the Turduckens. However, it became clear in the first quarter, after Eli Manning posted negative-four points, that the Devils would be unable to seal the deal.
On the poor side of our League’s tracks, Mental Garbage posted the week’s high score of 158 — fully 28 points over their projected total — allowing them to defeat the unfortunate Lakeviewers and shamble from last- to second-to-last place. Many of us have puzzled over how, with overall strategic competence on par with Carl from that movie Slingblade, Mental Garbage still manages to outscore most of the League on a recurrent basis. While some suggest they may be retarded like a fox, Vegas oddsmakers are treating this as a genuine case of fantasy sports Savantism. Whatever you choose to call it, several of our teams might benefit from a dose of that kind of high-octane Gump-mojo at this point in the season.
Respectfully Submitted,
Commissioner Tom
Ojo Del Tigre!
“muscatel as hand sanitizer”
Well done. I did a Google search of that phrase and here’s the only hit. Which is cool in that it looks a little like I wrote it, I’d like to take credit, I could kill you and be done with it, but I’ll have to look into how I can change that. Humid Beings is a cool site and I don’t want to take the feed away …
Meanwhile, let me add that phrase to your tags–bet that’ll get us a Google hit.
I’m impressed that it came up in a search at all, but the question is; what possessed you to enter that particular phrase into your search bar?
I’m low on hand sanitizer.
How do you both feel about “roasting squirrels under a bridge”?
TomT: keep posting! Can you include the overall league standings?
Thanks for the encouragement, Jimmy — although, in spite of some serious backwoods Tennessee roots on my mother’s side, I’m not much of a squirrel-man, myself.
The latest Displaced Aggression standings are always posted here.
(I clearly need guidance on how to insert a link into my comments.)
The important thing to note is, as of this week my humble Turduckens have moved into third place, ahead of our gracious host-blogger (N.O. Brass).
@ TomT: When you post a comment, do you see an an edit option next to the timestamp: (Edit)?
The N.O. Brass recently got fleeced in a trade with the Turduckens, but the ship may be righted in time for a Week 9 face-off btw the Turduckens and Brass.
OK dsb,
On the first matter; I don’t see the edit option while I’m typing the comment — only after it’s posted. So I can go back in and embed the link as an edit. (Is that how you do it?)
On the second matter; Fleeced is a strong word (you knew all about Reggie Bush’s fibula, and Lance Moore didn’t exactly repeat his Week 3 performance for me, now did he?) But Week 9 should answer all of our questions.
Well, I tried to go back in and fix it, and you can see the results. I guess I’m hyperlink-challenged.
Right, I think the edit option only appears after you post the comment. I’ve gone in and edited your link as I think you intended (remember to highlight the word you want to be the link, then hit the link button that’ll let you insert the web address).
Yeah, fleeced is a strong word. Totally unfair. That, of course, was my intent.