Peyote doesn’t kick in like other psychedelics: acid and mushrooms will turn you into a giggling fool within an hour after you eat them. Peyote, however, has a delayed effect: invariably you figure that the stuff isn’t working and that you got ripped off, and then it hits you like a thousand pound shit-hammer. Wammo! Suddenly, the walls are breathing and you’re in the middle of a fire-storm of lights and sound so intense that you’re convinced that you’re receiving the secret knowledge of the universe. By the time we got our tickets for Cirque de Soleil I was zonked; it really hit me right after we got our seats. Then, the place filled up with clowns. I had weird thoughts; you can never trust a clown!
Jimmy Gabacho
151 Articles
Gabacho– according to the Dictionary of the Spanish Royal Academy– is derived from an old Provençal word “gavach,” meaning a person from the foothills of the Pyrenees who spoke incorrectly. These days, it means “outsider,” somebody who just doesn’t fit in.
Jimmy Gabacho
10 Min Read
It happens at least once a week; I will get a telephone call from my aging father. He’s in his seventies now and is starting to slow down a bit. But he is still as feisty as ever. Even before I answer the phone, I have a pretty good idea of how it will go: the voice on the line will be garbled, semi coherent, half babbling, half raving about some astounding finish to a football, basketball, or baseball game (which of course I haven’t watched). Or it will be a rant about the recent comments by some idiot politician, or it will want to know the best way to change a light bulb in the house.
Jimmy Gabacho
6 Min Read
But the street wasn’t the only place that was full of working girls. There were a number of walking pinups hanging around the Mandalay Bay hotel and the Four Seasons. I couldn’t this one wasn’t from the “20 minutes or less” crowd, but something told me that she was a cut above the run of the puppy mill sex farm. She was tall, blond and wore a low-cut, sleeveless, red satin cocktail dress that told us she was no one’s wife. If looks could kill, we’d all be six feet under. She looked like she came right out of Central Casting, right down to the stiletto heels played up the tie-me-up/tie-me-down look on her face. There was something deeply menacing about her: behind all of that made up beauty, the Pygmalion fantasy, come to life, there was a look as cold as ice, of a person who would just as soon kill you as do you.
Jimmy Gabacho
6 Min Read
Nothing speaks to decadence and excess like the Mandalay Bay; this hotel is a freak of nature. It has its own private beach and an “ocean” that takes a million and a half gallons of water to fill. Moreover, despite the fact that it’s in the middle of the desert, the hotel has created its own sandy beach, for the thousands who come to sun bathe. In all, there are three pools, a machine that creates a wave at two-minute intervals, a lazy river pool with a waterfall, and a so-called European-style pool where women can go topless. But this is the point: like the Tower of Babel, Las Vegas is there to prove to God that we Americans can do what he couldn’t do.
Jimmy Gabacho
5 Min Read
“But our trip was different. It was to be a classic affirmation of everything right and true in the national character. A gross physical salute to the fantastic possibilities of life in this country. But only for those with true grit… and we are chock…
Jimmy Gabacho
5 Min Read
A young Italian woman who had recently moved to the area discovered the wonders of eating dinner at Cracker Barrel. Like Marconi, she broadcasted her discovery on her Facebook to the entire world. Her brother, who was living in the Windy City, was appalled. He raved at the shame that she had brought on their family name and threatened to disown them publically if they didn’t make a pilgrimage to the Vatican City and cleanse their bodies in the waters of the Tiber.
Jimmy Gabacho
4 Min Read
After I had my breakfast, I snuck off to the bathroom for a snort of my instant coffee. As soon as I entered the bathroom, a cloud of steamy methane gas hit me right in the face. I heard moaning coming from one of the stalls.
Jimmy Gabacho
1 Min Read
Under pressure of an impending deadline, Gabacho gets to work Gabacho and the Gutenberg
Jimmy Gabacho
4 Min Read
The second day I was scheduled for a twenty-five minute sauna, followed by Thai massage and acupuncture. In short, this implied being cooked, beaten and stabbed. The sauna is pretty straight forward: cedar box at 130 degrees Fahrenheit just to soften you up before the massage. Fantat didn’t tell me that I wasn’t alone in the sauna. They stuck me with the Tea Bagger from Kansas. True to form, he didn’t think it was necessary to cover his man parts while he was in the sauna. For him, the Caribbean meant going au natural. Worse yet, while he was rearranging and scratching his package, he insisted on babbling about the oil spill in the Gulf being a hoax put on by the Hollywood-Leftist controlled media.
Jimmy Gabacho
6 Min Read
I have drifted a bit, getting away from the simile and metaphor business, and wondered aloud about what makes up an undergraduate experience. Is it all about books, libraries and papers, or does it have something to do with late nights, binge drinking and waking up in a strange apartment naked. Come on! We’ve all been there. You go to the bathroom, trying to remember the name of the person in the bedroom, look into the mirror and see the fear in your own eyes.
Jimmy Gabacho
6 Min Read
I hate dealing with gringos when they’re abroad. They always assume that foreigners don’t know the right way to do things, and they insist on babbling along about how terrified they are to have a native driver who drives on the left side of the road. This kind of shit really freaks them out. If there is ever a need to communicate with one of them, I usually let my wife handle it. But in this case, the woman felt some need to tell me about her politics: she was appalled by what was happening in the United States and declared that she and her husband, a tractor salesman from Kansas, were card-carrying “Tea Baggers.”
Jimmy Gabacho
4 Min Read
Part II
How did I get off track? Oh, yeah, it was the thing with the little kid. Where was I? Last I recall we had just left Miami International, and I was already in trouble with the stewardess. If you don’t know it already, Miami is one of the biggest shit holes south of Atlanta. It is not so bad if you are making a connection, but if you have to go through customs you might as well forget about making the connection or having your baggage on the return flight.
Jimmy Gabacho
6 Min Read
Part I
Before I get too far along in this entry, I need to do some explaining. I have been away, traveling during the summer, but I’ve never fit the mold of a jet setter, nor do I ever hope to be one. There is always a one person on the plane that looks lost or out of place. With one look, people say to themselves, who let this guy in? That would be me. My wife is an executive in the music industry and, as a result, I accompany her to her meetings. Hell, someone has to carry the luggage, so it might as well be me.