From time to time, incoming freshmen ask me if I have any advice to help them make their transition to an independent life.

Here are some basic ideas to keep in mind during the first few years away from home.

1. Don’t do anything tonight you don’t want to see on Facebook. There is no way to look classy  with your head hanging over a toilet while you barf.

2. Read a lot, study and work hard.  The greatest trip you can ever imagine begins with a book.

3. No amount of drugs or alcohol will make anyone better looking. So it’s a pretty good idea not to go to bed with anyone you don’t want to wake up with. The shock and horror will only be greater after the booze wears off.

4. Stay the hell away from Ecstasy or any other drug that makes you love everyone. Not everyone deserves your love and the real thing is a hell of a lot better than that artificial rot. And, if you are one of the lucky ones that finds a person with the courage to love, take it as a blessing.

5. There is no such thing as “fuck buddies,” “friends with benefits,” or “uncomplicated sexual relationships.”

6. Just because a guy sleeps with you doesn’t mean that he’ll be with you. Quick hook ups usually mean quick break ups. There are no short cuts to trust, loyalty and love.

7. About you girls in low cut dresses and short shorts, let me put it this way, “there are a lot of flies in the bakery, so cover up the goodies.” And, besides, there is much more strength and power in imagination, so instead of waving it in front of his face, let the poor slob dream about what you look like under you clothes.

8. Men, if the girl you meet tells you she wants to watch Sports Center, slap yourself in the face until you wake up.

9. Avoid people who are dangerous. Sure they’re exciting, but too many friendships have ended with the following words, “Look, the gun isn’t loaded.”

10. Be careful when you want to give advice. The problems you think you see are usually solutions to the ones you can’t.

Cross-posted at My Ongoing Struggle with Misanthropy: http://jimmygabacho.com/?p=913

Gabacho– according to the Dictionary of the Spanish Royal Academy– is derived from an old Provençal word “gavach,” meaning a person from the foothills of the Pyrenees who spoke incorrectly. These days, it means “outsider,” somebody who just doesn’t fit in.

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