Cross-posted at http://storageheroes.blogspot.com/

We buy storage lockers at public auction and sell the contents. At our Storage Heroes blog, you’ll find the stories of our day-to-day fun with that! You’ll also find general information on how storage units get repossessed (and sold), stories from auction, pictures and stories of our digs (when we open up the contents of the unit), actual letters found in storage units and so so much more! Watch out Storage Wars & Auction Hunters… there are new storage heroes in town!

First, I’ll start off by warning you that in this post I’ll be detailing the contents of one of the most risque units we’ve ever purchased. If you’re easily offended, you want to stop reading now. If you’re at work or somewhere that a small child may wander up beside you and wonder what something is, you may want to stop reading now. If you’re offended by nudity or sex, you definitely want to stop reading now. If none of these things apply to you, keep reading! Some of the more explicit pictures I’ve linked so that you have to click to them.

Sometimes, we get units of people that have drug problems. Sometimes, we get units from people who have problems with the law. Sometimes, we purchase units of those who have made bad decisions, and sometimes we purchase units of people who seem to have some psychological problems. This, quite possibly, might be the first unit where we have someone who suffers from ALL of the above. So, just to warn you, this blog is going to be very long, but for very good reason. In addition to having some money/relationship/living situation problems, our girl also is a stripper. But she’s not only a stripper– she’s also basically a prostitute. You may be wondering how we learned this– but you’ll figure it out yourself from all of the pictures. It’s pretty obvious. She’s also a hoarder, which is unusual. Most of our tenants who are hoarders keep strange things, yes– books, or papers, or rocks, or candy wrappers, or whatever they found interesting. This girl had a drug problem, so not only did she hoard CRAZY things, she also hoarded things she used in her job. Like old batteries and used condoms. But I digress. I’ll leave out most of the commentary for the end– you’ll get most of the story, like I said, through the pictures.

We had a pretty long day at auction that particular day, it was one of those caravan-auctions where you go from site to site to site all day long. You start at 9am or so and usually don’t finish until 3 or 4. This was one of the later sites of the day and we were tired– we were also pretty frustrated because we hadn’t yet purchased anything at all. We were both pretty excited when this unit opened up, although, I admit Brian more so than me. I liked the chair, and that it had a TON of well packed manageable (not huge and bulky) boxes. I didn’t get any of my special feelings about it, but Brian did, and combined with the chair and boxes, that was good enough for me. It was a bid/hold unit, which I’ve explained before, so basically we won the bid but had to wait until a few days later to find out whether we won the unit. They gave this tenant every opportunity to pay, because she kept saying she would. Apparently, she did that a lot. Either way, here are a few pictures of what the unit looked like when the door rolled open:

One of the first things Brian went for was a rolled up poster. Was it a Jazz Fest poster? Nope. Was it a work of art? Of course not. It was actually a nude poster of our girl in the shower. You can barely see it here because of all the special effects, so I just included it below:

  First thing I opened was a box, and it was filled with … papers.

It was a little too labor intensive for that particular moment (i.e., I didn’t feel like it), so I moved on and put the box of papers aside for later.

 A book of Dreams and their Meanings.

I had NO idea what this thing was when we found it, neither did Brian.  I know now what it was after finding the other half, but I’ll let you see if you can figure it out.

Obviously this chick lived in the quarter, as there are a TON of copies of “Quarter Rat” — we find these pretty frequently in storage units.   If we ever start doing more “we’ll save your storage unit”  services, this is going to be one of the first places I advertise!

A box filled with random things:

And look, ANOTHER box full of paperwork.  I can’t put it off any longer and actually decide to go through this one:

After 20 minutes of going through paperwork, this is what I’m left with. And the details of this lady’s life are starting to come together:

There’s some past due receipts for several different storage facilities,  stamps, condoms, Admit Free cards for Temptations, Hustler, and Rick’s Cabaret (for those not from the area, these are ALL strip clubs), a business card advertising “escort services”  with no address but two phone numbers,  an advertisement for a website called “Immoral Tube,” a fleur-de-lis napkin with a piece of brown hair (like an actual cut lock of hair),  2 little Yoga books, cards for plumbers, janitors, and that sort of thing, some powerball tickets, and some letters.

I’m giving this company a shoutout because their business card is AMAZING.  Here’s the front:

And here’s the back!   So New Orleanian.  I’m so using them if I ever need a plumber.

There was also this pack of Bingo cards.  No idea what THAT’s all about:

Her list of “Things to Do” and “Future Goals” — I ended up finding over 100 of these.  Every single “To Do” list included hair / manicure or pedicure / something to do with her dog Bubbles,   and every “goal” list included simple things like getting a driver’s license, getting ___ out of jail, or finding a place to live.  This one, future goals included : “Develop a stripper seminare”  — nope, can’t make THAT up if I tried!

Some love letters from whatever girlfriend she was with at the time.  Yes, I said girlfriend:

And in the middle of all of this, were some vintage photographs of sites that I am not familiar with– they are original photographs though. Anyone have any idea what city this is?

A close up of the lock of hair:

A piece of “Art” Brian found– it looks like it was stolen off of a property somewhere.

Some chairs:

Another rolled up poster … if you look carefully, you’ll see that it’s of kama sutra positions.

Another box of paperwork:

With some random books thrown in:

Brian found this thing…. NO clue what it is.  Bulletproof glass?  Part of a tank?  A window of a ghetto gas station?  A piece of a display?  Anyone have any idea?

There were some nice clothes, and there were some not so nice clothes.  You could really see the ups and downs of her life– sometimes there were super expensive brands (Citizens of Humanity, for example), and sometimes the clothes came from Rainbow or Cato.   There was just no rhyme or reason to it– I guess it just depended on whether she needed drugs at that time or not.  I started compiling the really nice ones in a box to take to some of the local consignment shops, and of course, to sell on Facebook and Craigslist.

Some of the nicer clothes– some still had tags on them!

A jar filled with random stuff:

What was inside the jar:  lipstick, batteries, change, hair accessories, bouncy balls (we found bouncy balls EVERYWHERE),  tacks (also EVERYWHERE), and various assorted items.

I found this oddness next…  I have a very unique talent for finding things that people try to hide.   I can ALWAYS find the jewelry, or sex-toys, or drugs, or whatever is ‘hidden” in the unit, and it’s usually one of the first ten things I open.  I just have a knack for it, I guess.  Maybe it’s because I love scavenger hunts and mysteries?  No idea.  But I saw this and stopped everything I was doing to open it.  It was a hat, with a sock inside, with someone else inside the sock.


Additionally, the sock was wrapped with foil sticker.  At this point I felt a long glass cylindrical object, so I was expecting a sex-toy based on all of the other things I had seen so far at this point.


But, I was wrong!  It was a crack pipe.

And one more, for good measure.  Kids, don’t do drugs.

The next thing was a purse, that contained…. napkins, toilet paper, and zip lock bags.  That makes no sense. Of course.

Another closeup of what was in the purse:

This box had pieces of chair legs,  pieces of random pieces of other furniture, things “acquired,” it looked like by walking around the French Quarter and taking pieces of people’s doors or plants or whatever, and two banners.

When I unrolled the banners, they were Superbowl XLIV Championship banners– pretty cool.  They appear to have been hanging on French Quarter balconies during the days/weeks after the Superbowl– I think I vaguely remember seeing them while high-fiving 1,000,000 people!  Not sure if she stole them or got them from work, but either way– they are ours now!  We got Lance Moore’s signature on them Thursday and many more Saints will follow!


While going through a box of paper, I found, wrapped in looseleaf— these.   It’s 900 shares of stock!

We’re not sure if they’re worth anything.  Apparently this company has gone out of business and they are in someone else’s name anyway (not our tenant’s)… so I’m not sure if we can get them transferred even if they are worth something.  They’re from the 1950s though and are pretty cool, so I’m thinking a collector may want them.  Still looking into this.   It’s our first time finding Stock in a unit.

This is what the stocks were wrapped up in.  It’s a good thing I don’t just throw away stuff like Brian!

Next was this uber nice backpack that’s in good shape.  It’s going to be my new laptop bag!

Our “drug paraphernalia” stash is coming along quite nicely.  So far we have: a flask, a crackpipe, some Brillo pad material, foil, and random other nonsense that has to be for drugs because i have no idea what else it could possibly be useful for!  Oh, and an extra large marker for sniffing.

What happens when you step on glass in a unit and it shatters into a million pieces?  You have to pick it up of course, to avoid finding it in your hair/hands/shoes/bins later.


There were ashtrays everywhere– this one even included cigarette / ashes.  Oh, and did I mention it was actually the dog’s bowl?

This bag of randomness contained some clothes, a feather duster, lightbulbs, tape, and some christmas decorations, and Mardi Gras beads:

Close-up of the contents of the bag:

Hats:

At this moment, I start finding lots of random hotel bags…  I’ve seen her cards for the escort service, and also cards that say “We met at ___ club at ___ time and I was wearing ____.  Call me at _____ for a good time” — so I’ve put the pieces together.  Everytime I open a hotel gift shop bag, I’m greeted with vibrators, condoms, etc.   I found this particularly large one from the Westin and was scared to open it.

Another random pile of things.   Blue light bulbs, cell phone, batteries, fake eyelashes, zip lock bags, lizards and toy soldiers.

Ahh… our first bag of stripper/dancer outfits.  Here’s one of my favorites.  There are about 1000 more of these!

This is “my pile” — so far I’m keeping some magazines, a red Banana Republic top, a leather jacket, the laptop bag, stamps, and a few gift cards.

This box looks interesting.  I can also hear a “ching ching” noise:

The noise turned out to be a jar full of coins/ bills.  Took me FOREVER to get the bills out!

Does this look familiar?  It’s the other half of that thing we didn’t know what it was before.  It’s some sort of mushroom thing that she uses for … some type of drug use.  I don’t know.  I’ve not so much as taken a puff of cigarette in my entire life, so one of you is going to have to fill me in on this.

Here’s the rest of it… burned up, along with lots of aquarium tubing.

“Flower Power” was written on all kinds of differen things through the locker.  I found this in the box… not sure what’s inside or what it’s used for.  More weird stuff!

A closeup of what’s inside the canister:

It was time to leave for Day 1, and we had to go to auction the next day, so it was a full day before we returned to the site. I will say though, that for all the trouble and grief Brian gives me over being messy, he left a miniature Hershey’s Kiss graveyard in the car

More kisses wrappers!  Yep…. you, dear readers, deserve nothing but the TRUTH!

Back to our locker on Day 2.  Brian was working at Java House Imports, so I was by myself for the first 3-4 hours of the dig.  Watch how productive I am when I’m working solo! :)

First box contains a cute little box, some randomness, and some place mats.  The scissors are mine– I got tired of ruining my manicure opening boxes.  For being a bunch of drug addicts, and for boxes that were filled with total random junk, they were packaged/taped extremely well!

This box contained a few rocks and feathers, some fishing line (there was this all over the place too– I think she may have used it for tying herself up, unless someone else has a better idea), and some fake copper chain.

An eviction notice.  There were 7 of these total:

This makeup bag yielded some napkins, and inside, another crack pipe.

Closeup of the box of rocks.  I’ve actually been finding a rock or two in each box now, and everytime I do, I add them to this box.  Brian’s a geologist, so when he gets back, I figure he can double check my rocks and make sure there’s no value.  If there isn’t, we’ll sell them at a garage sale, or give them to Trish’s son who likes rocks!

Wow. personalized jeans.  HAND-personalized jeans.  For a 44 year old.  Amazing.

More personalized jeans:

This little ceramic piece may actually be worth something– it was bubble wrapped and is a strange Italian made clown.  It’s pretty neat– we will have to research it.

We found some more pictures of our tenant, including some profesionally-shot pictures.  I have an entire disk (or 10) of “demo shots” and “uncensored portfolio shots” — you better believe we are looking at what’s on those disks when we get a chance!  Call it morbid curiosity.  Here’s one of the professional shots.  It contains nudity so you’ll have to click here to see it.  She is actually quite a beautiful lady.

In the same box with the crackpipe and semi-nude photos, was a religious bracelet.  Go figure.

Next box of randomness:

Ooh!  Finally something else for “my pile” — this is definitely coming home with me!

A group of tools tied up.  Drug thing?  Hooker thing?  Someone tell me!

Lots of little hotel toiletries are now EVERYWHERE.  I start making a box to give to the homeless:

I’m now halfway up the side wall and am now starting to get to this piece of furniture, a green woven rack.  I need to get all of the boxes off of it first.

The whole front wall is completely empty though… and I’m making progress.  Brian wasn’t there to slow me down!  Haha.  I’ve seriously emptied about 22 boxes so far at this point.

Anyone have any idea what this thing is?  It looks like a balance board or a foot massager.  It’s made by Rubbermaid.  I was going to try it out as a balance board but it says “Do Not Stand on it”

The bottom of the unidentified object.

I stood on the unidentified object even though it said not to and broke it.  Oops!

A look at the drugs pile again:

I find this drawer, and my first thought is … “She was cracked out when she did this,” then I think. “Maybe it just spilled” but then I notice that it’s painted evenly around all of the compartments.  Then, giving her the benefit of the doubt, I say, “Maybe she was just trying to decorate it and thought that painting it with nailpolish would liven it up” — and then I realize that the nail polish bottle (and brush) are broken, and still STUCK in the inside of the drawer.   Kids… don’t do drugs!

A pile of the random furniture pieces I’ve taken out of the unit so far.

More random furniture pieces.  It’s starting to appear that some of them are pieces of bunk beds, so that’s pretty cool.  The rest are just RANDOM– drawers that do NOT go to any piece of furniture, legs that do not go to chairs we have, etc.

Brian’s almost here and this is what I’ve done without him.  He’s going to have quite a pile when he arrives to take out to the van!   Here’s what’s processed and ready so far.   I’m taking up the entire hallway!

Some OLD records adds some more value to our unit:

Another box of randomness…. this unit is taking me so long to process, because instead of opening a box of shoes, or a box of clothes, or a box of housewares, or a junk drawer,  I’m opening… a box with a lightbulb, stuffed elephant, Mardi Gras bead, roll of duct tape, phone cord, and a dildo– for example.

This one was pretty much just tools– or so I thought.  It was LITTERED with nails and tacks, so going through it was a bitch.  I almost just dumped the entire box into the trash, but my spidey sense kicked in and I thought I’d better take another look.

Good thing I did, because I found 3 gift cards, and a $5 chip to Harrah’s in this box!

Another box of Tools… more of the same… I had to take the good tools out, and dump out the nails/tacks, and put the good tools back in.  A lot more value though– lots of tools still in packaging, never opened.

Another box of “important things” yields a faberge egg.


Guess what’s inside the egg?  Why, costume jewelry, and bar buttons, of course!

A picture of a dog… in what she thought was a silver frame.  This box is obviously one of her “valuables.”

Another faberge egg:

This one’s got pins for a band inside:

A giant, glass, dildo.

Another shot of the monster.

FINALLY!  Brian is here and it’s time for lunch.  Thank Goodness for the McRib.  And Germ-X (But believe you me, I also washed my hands about five times before eating).

If you’ve made it this far, you’re ready to click your way over to Storage Heroes to read Whore-der, Part 2. Yes, there’s more. So much more, here’s Part 3!

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