Photo credit: Gabriela Camerotti
TEAM OWNER SECRETS: Whose 7th grade obsession with serial killers resulted in a trip to the Guidance Counselor’s office after turning in a Language Arts project featuring a collection of meticulously-crafted dioramas with titles such as “In The Crawlspace,” “Ed Gein’s Barn,” and “Zodiac At Play?” (The answer is at the end of this report.)
It wasn’t exactly what you would call a dragon-slaying, but let’s be honest: many of us enjoyed watching the N.O. Vipers lose in Week 13. It didn’t matter if it was the hand of the Goddess balancing out what had clearly become the 10-2 team’s hubris or just pure dumb luck.
Of course, there are those around our little community who will tell you that the Vipers’ momentary comeuppance was the result of Derek’s decision to leave the highly-erratic and strategically-inept Rusty Feet at the helm while he chose to go a-ramblin’ around the formerly-fascist Balkan backwaters. But this loss ultimately did little to shake the Vipers from their first-place perch.
For their part, the often-mediocre Turduckens’ upset over the Vipers not only ended a prolonged scoring slump, but also took them over the 200 point mark for the first time in franchise history and allowed them to maintain their tenuous grip on the 4th seed playoff slot for one more week.
The Salukis and Mental Garbage also came out of Week 13 with big wins, over the Bootleggers and Hellfire Club respectively. This was good news for the Salukis, who held onto their #2 slot, and, as with the Vipers, the Bootleggers loss wasn’t enough to endanger their playoff slot. Elsewhere, Gonk’s Revenge suffered a disappointing loss to the 3-9 Wackers, and the Duestakers turned in their usual, languid, less-than-100 points performance in a loss to Dingobros.
How does all of this set us up for the final week of our regular season?
In reality, only one of our Week 14 matchups offers a chance of shaking up the playoff bracket; A victory by 5th place Gonk’s Revenge over the Turduckens would even out the two teams’ records, but a blowout would likely allow Revenge to displace the Turds from the 4th seed playoff slot.
The other top-three seeded teams are basically engaged in consequence-free matchups as the regular season winds down, although the Salukis-Vipers matchup offers a potential preview of a Championship matchup. Meanwhile, the week’s remaining matchups offer only a preview of what will pass for action in the melancholy matchups of what is referred to in polite circles as our “Consolation Ladder,” with Mental Garbage taking on Dingobros (both at 6-7), and the lackluster Duestakers squaring off against the Wackers (both at 4-9).
Respectfully Submitted (better late than never),
League Manager Tom
*Answer: N.O. Vipers (Derek, not Rusty!)