So I get this email the other day out of the blue from some fool I don’t even know with the subject DO I HAVE THIS RIGHT??? I don’t recognize the name of the sender, but I see the contents in my preview pain and I take the bait.

And so it goes a little like this:

DO I HAVE THIS RIGHT???

SEE IF I GOT THIS RIGHT!!! 


IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER 
ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR. 


IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER 
ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY. 



IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER 
ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT. 



IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER 
ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED. 



IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER 
ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN. 



IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER 
ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED. 



IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY 
YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT. 



IF YOU CROSS THE U.S. BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET !!! 
A JOB,          A DRIVERS LICENSE, 
SOCIAL SECURITY CARD, WELFARE, 
FOOD STAMPS, CREDIT CARDS, 
SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE, 
FREE EDUCATION, FREE HEALTH CARE, 
A LOBBYIST IN WASHINGTON BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR LANGUAGE   
THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRY’S FLAG WHILE YOU PROTEST THAT YOU DON’T GET ENOUGH RESPECT 
AND, IN MANY INSTANCES, YOU CAN VOTE. 


I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I HAD A FIRM GRASP ON THE SITUATION !!! 
PLEASE KEEP !!! THIS GOING……FORWARD TO ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS & FAMILY 
               IT’S TIME TO WAKE UP AMERICA  !!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Love the all caps. The exclamation points really do get your attention. Confession: I omitted the cheesy clip art.

I don’t know the person who sent this or the list of 50 or so other email addresses. So I decide to embarrass him and call him out for hating Mexicans by replying to all. Only my response wasn’t very articulate, or family-friendly.

Now I know better than to engage in this sort of nonsense, but it was the end of the crazy busy season at work and I had a few minutes to kill. I was feeling frisky. I saw a bully and I wanted to smash him in the mouth.

Immediately, I regretted hitting send, thinking I was replying to a spambot like a sucker. So when the person wrote back saying he didn’t see how the above statement could be seen as singling out one race, I at least knew I was dealing with a human. Not a very clever one. A couple others responded. One didn’t care for my language. Apparently, she was OK with the subtext of the original email.

But I blew it. My response was not in keeping with the whole idea behind Barks, Bugs, Lizards, & Leaves and not how I should have handled things. Although I do not regret responding, there are smarter ways.

I should have written something like this:

I have no idea who you are or why you would think I share your morally repulsive perspective. If what you sent is truly what you believe, then I feel sorry for you and anyone who cares for you. You would be wise to remove my name from your list of contacts and avoid blindly sending mass emails professing such profoundly stupid logic. You only embarrass yourself.

Or better yet, I should have sent him this.

Genesis – Illegal Alien

Tom Long is one-third of the seldom heard Chicago band The Ethyl Mermen. The name Tom Long can be found in the dictionary, Baseball Encyclopedia and a pub in Ireland. Tom Long is not affiliated with any other Tom Long; he won the rights to use his own name after prevailing in a three-way game of Jan-ken-pon by choosing "dynamite!" No Toms were harmed in the making of this blog.

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