Cats vs Guns

cat_army

 

I have nothing against owning useless things. That’s why I have cats. Others own guns. The similarities would surprise you.

  1. Gun owners like to hunt. Cats are natural hunters.
  2. Having a cat or two is fine, but having 20 makes you a hoarder. Having a gun or two is a legitimate exercise of one’s Second Amendment rights, but having 20 makes you a prepper.
  3. Watching videos of cats can be fun. But you’d be amazed at what some gun owners will put online.
  4. Having a cat by your side can be relaxing. But if it goes off, you could wind up with scratches. Having a firearm at your side can feel empowering. But if it goes off, you’ll be lucky if it’s only a flesh wound.
  5. Both cats and guns can be versatile tools. A cat can double as a napkin or dishwasher, while a gun can be used to open locks.
  6. With some exceptions, conceal carry is currently not permitted in the state of Illinois. It’s difficult to transport a cat without a pet carrier.
  7. When a cat sprays to mark its territory, it leaves a wake of destruction. A spray of bullets leaves a trail of obliteration.
  8. Playing with your cat improves your hand-eye coordination. Practicing at a target range improves your focus.
  9. Neutering and spaying your cat is good for its health and ensures it won’t proliferate unnecessarily, which can have a devastating effect on the local wilflife. The proliferation of unregulated firearms has led to an epidemic of gun murders.
  10. People don’t like to talk about suicide by cat.

 

Tom Long is one-third of the seldom heard Chicago band The Ethyl Mermen. The name Tom Long can be found in the dictionary, Baseball Encyclopedia and a pub in Ireland. Tom Long is not affiliated with any other Tom Long; he won the rights to use his own name after prevailing in a three-way game of Jan-ken-pon by choosing "dynamite!" No Toms were harmed in the making of this blog.

2 Comment on “Cats vs Guns

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

%d bloggers like this: