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The Good

Tom Long

Tom Long is one-third of the Chicago band The Ethyl Mermen. The name Tom Long can be found in the dictionary, Baseball Encyclopedia and a pub in Ireland. Tom Long is not affiliated with any other Tom Long; he won the rights to use his own name after prevailing in a three-way game of Jan-ken-pon by choosing "dynamite!" No Toms were harmed in the making of this blog.

Saying a big F.U. to the Blago media circus

I’m in a bad mood. I intended to write about music and death today, but the Chicago media has left me feeling homicidal thoughts toward it. Short of carrying out a physical assault, I am left with little recourse.

Now before I offend anyone who does not wish to be confronted with vulgar language, I extend this warning to move along if you don’t wish to read what follows.

I’ll give you time to leave the room.

Let me continue.

I live four blocks from the convicted former governor-turned celebrity hairdo Rod Blagojevich. Everyone knows by now that he was convicted of corruption charges and sent to prison for 14 years. He was guilty and deserves to be punished. Few can dispute this. Yesterday was his last day as a free man. So how does the Chicago news media react? By stationing helicopters above my house for the past two fucking days! And for what? To capture the proverbial “OJ in the Bronco” scene of him driving to/from his house in Ravenswood Manor?

Cheap,… Continue reading

Home Alone

Apparently I now like “world music.”

I’ve spent a lifetime avoiding it — mainly because its fans. You know the type. They talk in hushed tones and sip vintage cabs. Only slightly more adventurous than the average blues aficionado. My tastes, on the other hand, range from pop and punk to classic rock and soul to krautrock and experimental droning. My go-to music is usually loud and guitar- and bass-driven.


 

But it’s true. I am one of them now. I found this out when I heard Fela Kuti’s “Zombie” on the radio this morning. With my better half out of town for a business trip, I was able to listen to it at the appropriate volume.

The one thing you realize when you are home alone is how infrequently you are in control of the volume knob. That and all my cats expect me to do everything for them. Tell me that song does not rock.

I’ve been thinking lately about how much I don’t like modern music. I’m not a nostalgist. I do believe brilliant… Continue reading

I hate meeces to pieces

Let me start out by saying I am not a violent man.

Sure, I huff and I puff to blow off a little steam when I get frustrated. When I was in grade school, I thought I invented the F-word. I’ve been using it liberally ever since.

But it takes a lot more to make me want to kill. Around Thanksgiving, I found that reason.

To quote Mr. Jinks, “I hate meeces to pieces.”

 

 

It actually began over the summer.

I own a typical Chicago brick two-flat, where the back porch is enclosed with siding. Under our back porch, we have a crawl space with a gravel floor. It is where we store our lawn mower, hoses, a wheel barrow and various pots and gardening supplies. A couple-three times over the summer, I noticed a hole forming around the catch basin in the crawl space and assumed it was erosion. Wishful thinking.

During fall cleanup, Linda opened the lock and caught a mean whiff of rat feces that totally freaked her out. Of… Continue reading

I’m wet and I’m cold, but thank God I ain’t old

Is it me for a moment?

I've become a huge fan of The Best Show on WFMU hosted by the irascible Tom Scharpling. The call-in show has been on the air for about a dozen years, although I've only been listening to the podcast for the past few. It's a formula I instantly fell in love with. Tom starts the show with a mix of indie rock and Led Zeppelin sandwiched between two theme songs, puts down his producer AP Mike, threatens to quit and then takes calls from a cast of regulars and people who don't always have much to say. Frequent guests have been people like comedians Julie Klausner and John Hodgeman and musicians like Ted Leo. If you haven't heard this show, check it out.

Lately Tom has been playing cuts from the Deluxe Edition version of The Who's 1973 classic album Quadrophenia, which came out in November. The Director's Cut edition is available on Amazon.com for only $133.78.

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BURN YOUR TV / “READ”

I hate graffiti. I don’t see the art in it. At it’s best it’s a cliche urban fake ghetto expression. Mostly it’s just selfish, juvenile and costly. OK, I’ll admit that some bathroom graffiti amuses me, because let’s face it, a cartoon penis is always funny.

Back in the boom days — the Oughts — any new condo being built along the El was tagged at some point during construction. Nothing was spared. When the CTA closed several stations along the Brown Line for renovation a few years ago, those were tagged before completion.

But I saw a piece of graffiti on the Brown Line the other day that gave me a chuckle.

Scratched into the window was “BURN YOUR TV/’READ,’” followed a skull and the word “REVOLT.”

It got me thinking about who tagged the window. Was this some kind of guerilla promotion for a book store? Or the work of an anarchist librarian?

 

 

I’m all for reading, although I don’t think I could burn my TV. That’s probably bad for the environment, for one thing.… Continue reading

Smoke break

 

Hey, I saw your dad the other day.

Oh yeah? Where’d ya see him, on one of his walks around the block?

Nah. Saw your folks and Mary Jo at Mr. Cipriano’s wake.

Oh he finally died? I knew he was in a bad way and all with the Alzheimer’s. Yeah, they go to all the wakes and funerals. It’s kinda their thing. They brought us up that way. You gotta show your respect. I wish I knew; I would have gone. Guess they figured I didn’t really know the family that well since they moved off the block when I was around 3 or 4.

Yeah, he got lung cancer. In a way it was a relief. It’s bad enough to have the cancer, but to not know where you are. . .

You go with your folks?

No, they came after your folks left.

That’s too bad. I figure your mom and my dad could swap war stories of their treatments.

Your dad looked pretty good. I mean other than he’s lost a… Continue reading

A Halloween dental plan for brushing the cat’s teeth

It’s an annual indulgence. Linda picks up a few bags of candy for the trick-or-treaters the week before Halloween and I try to ignore them. I usually hold off for a few days. But in the end, I wind up stuffing my pie hole with Nerds and Whoppers. The holiday season begins with a sugary high and skull-crushing crash. If you eat enough Twizzlers, it’s considered fruit, right?

They dedicated a statue to Martin Luther King for fighting segregation a few weeks ago, but in our house at Halloween, we keep the candy separated:

  • peanut-based
  • non-peanut-based
  • and a special stash of favorites we hold back for ourselves

This year, the stash is a combination of full size Reese’s cups, fun size Butterfingers and Kit Kat bars. I’m not complaining about the selection — since I wasn’t the one doing the buying — but when I was told the other option was a combo bag with Heath bars and some other stuff, I was slightly disappointed.

I inherited my sweet tooth from my dad. His fix comes… Continue reading

The end of a bromance?

Dark clouds hang over White Sox Nation.

The final indignity of a season of disappointments will likely soon come, with the contract of stellar lefthander Mark Buehrle expiring today with the end of the 2011 season. With the Sox poised to go into rebuilding mode, it is doubtful the free agent pitcher is part of the team plans moving forward. And that is a shame.

Over the past 11 seasons, Buehrle has been hands-down my favorite player in baseball. For a fan who treats baseball like his religion, this off-season is going to hurt. Last night's performance -- 7 innings, no runs, no walks and pitching out of jams caused by two errors -- was typical of the man who can barely hit 89 MPH on the radar gun, yet has consistently fooled the best hitters in baseball with his great control and ability to throw first-pitch strikes. A tater served up by reliever Jesse Crain was the only run allowed in a hollow 2-1 victory.

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Why hello there

I first met her on my way home from work. I was walking down the sidewalk; she was showing off her belly. She knew how to get a guy’s attention.

I greeted her by stroking her chin and rubbing that belly. But I had someone else at home and wasn’t looking for anyone new, so I left her on her back and went on my way.

The next day we repeated the same encounter. I would run into her at around the same time over the next six days before I finally decided to act. I just wanted to get her off the street. Fall was coming and the drunks at the annual Oktoberfest were sure to mess with someone as sweet as her.

Linda and I tried to take her to the shelter, but it wasn’t open yet, so we brought her to our vet. I didn’t plan to take her home, but when I checked in on her a few days later, the sight of her in a cage with dogs barking in the next room led me to act.

It was 14 years ago yesterday that I first met Bean.

 

*   *   *

Good mornin’

Summer passed without telling me. I spent the month of August in a painting fugue, covering wall after wall in the second floor rental apartment of our two-flat in various shades of bland. In my dreams I relived scene after scene of cutting in along the trim.

Labor Day weekend was spent in the stairway patching, sanding, painting. Armed with goggles, respirator, bandana and my iPod, I was sweating to the oldies. The mix was a strange combination; I found myself laughing out loud to no one. At one point, it went from Fugazi to the Moody Blues to the Ramones to the Sugar Hill Gang to Johnny Cash to The New Year. It dawned on me then how old my taste in music has become.

Linda and I finally got out of the house last Saturday night to see You Am I at Schuba’s. As we walked up Belmont to Southport, we came along the band’s singer/songwriter Tim Rogers dressed in a white suit and print shirt. With a shaggy ‘do and scruffy chin, he looked every bit the rock star. I could tell from a half block away who he was, though I’ve only seen the band once before.

You Am I remains a relatively obscure band in this country despite having done the Lollapalooza tour back in 1996. In shorthand, Tim Rogers is the Australian version of Paul Westerberg; a talented songwriter that mixes soulful acoustic ballads with hook-laden power pop and earnest lyrics — and a few shots of Jameson’s. The band that saw its first proper release in 1993, now plays to smaller and smaller venues. But talent is not the equivalent of units sold, which is a shame.

I picked up their latest release that night — a self-titled, independently released gem from last year on a thick slab of vinyl. I’ve been buying less and less music these days, so when I do, I tend to purchase LPs. Even my taste in media is showing its age. As for the record itself, You Am I finds the band still in peak form. Below is a video for the song “Trigger Finger” off their latest release, as well as early hits “Good Mornin’” and “Purple Sneakers.”

 

 

 

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Garage sale finds

You learn a lot of things when you have a garage sale.

Linda and I held a garage sale Saturday with our tenants Andy and Christine. We one once every three or four years. It usually takes me that long to want to go through the hassle.

We made some money and got rid of a lot of stuff, the latter being the point of it all. If your were to break it down to an hourly wage, it probably wouldn’t be so worth it.

Andy sold about 150 CDs. There were no takers on his CD shelf, despite the capacity to hold 1,000. We finally sold the bread machine after including a hard bound recipe book. Nobody uses bread machines anymore. We certainly didn’t. And the plate rack we left hanging in the garage from the previous garage sale finally sold. Fist bump.

Books don’t sell at garage sales. We got rid of some cookbooks, but other than that, nada. I had a copy of Atlas Shrugged but I didn’t want to sell it.… Continue reading

Battling inertia one bite at a time

"There are no two finer words in the English language than 'encased meat,' my friend."

--The motto attributed to Secret Robbie on the wall at Hot Doug's

"This is what happens to me always. I want to write so many things but I get tired."

--Sophia

 

I just got back from the eye doctor after first having lunch at Hot Doug's -- the Sausage Superstore and Encased Meat Emporium. After last night's Bulls loss, I needed to nurse my pain and get my vision checked; I'm sure I was not watching the same game as the referees.

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Kogumaza and Clown Jazz

My knowledge of Nottingham, UK, extends to the Robin Hood movies I grew up watching as a kid courtesy of WGN Family Classics (featuring Douglas Fairbanks) and Disney (with a cartoon fox). I don't know much of its music scene, yet I've been obsessing lately over instrumental recordings from a pair of bands that hail from there -- Kogumaza and Souvaris.

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Don’t just do it

I avoided an accident today. Maybe even a heart attack.

At the very least, I managed to not get stuck in rush hour traffic on the Kennedy or the Tri-State.

I need to pick up filters and a crush washer so I can change the oil on my Monster, and the dealer is all the way down in Villa Park; I am in Lincoln Square. They are open until 8 and I know I can make it there before they close. But they’re open early on Saturday too. Even though my head cranes impulsively and I run to the window every time I hear a bike go by, I can wait. I’ve been itching to ride. But I… can… wait.

It’s just like the other day, when I managed to avoid an assault charge.

I’m not really an aggressive guy. Mostly bark. Not much of a biter. But I was waiting for the light to change to cross the street to my office on Michigan Avenue when an attractive blond in a red mid-length wool coat… Continue reading

Tommy gets his nail done

I often cut through the North Bridge Mall on Michigan Avenue to get to the Grand subway station on my way home from work — especially when I want to avoid the weather. It’s a straight shot that takes me over Rush Street through Nordstrom and ends with an escalator that lets me off at Wabash. And it’s all indoors.

Years ago, I would never be caught dead walking through the North Bridge Mall for philosophically nostalgic reasons (or where they nostalgically philosophical reasons?). It used to be the McGraw-Hill Building, one of the last Art Deco buildings on Michigan Avenue. The landmark building was torn down to make way for a hotel and mall anchored by Nordstrom. The original relief facade was preserved and attached to a brand new construction that spanned several blocks. I had never been inside the original building, yet I’ve made frequent use of the shortcut through the mall.

Although I detest pretty much everything about the world of the shopping mall, it is there where I found myself Friday when I… Continue reading

Hatin’ on the haters

So I get this email the other day out of the blue from some fool I don’t even know with the subject DO I HAVE THIS RIGHT??? I don’t recognize the name of the sender, but I see the contents in my preview pain and I take the bait.

And so it goes a little like this:

DO I HAVE THIS RIGHT???

SEE IF I GOT THIS RIGHT!!! 


IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER 
ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR. 


IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER 
ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY. 



IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER 
ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT. 



IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER 
ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED. 



IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER 
ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN. 



IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER 
ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED. 



IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY 
YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT. 



IF YOU CROSS THE U.S. BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET !!! 
A… Continue reading

Chicago, dig

I have to say, I am kinda disappointed. This was only the third largest single snowstorm in Chicago's history. It's hard to justify the hype.

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On to Chicaco

Yes, on to Chicaco.

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Grouprastinators and golden honey balls of joy

The line to get into India House was out the door for the Friday lunch crowd, so we decided to come back Saturday. We had to; it was the last day our Groupon was valid.

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Let it snow

Holiday cheers to all y'all. (the opener)

And don't you look beautiful today. (the come-on)

My band playing Tuesday, Dec. 28 at Subterranean (http://www.subt.net) with Young Jesus. (the sell)

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The first snowcock of the season

I woke this morning to the first snowfall of the season. Big deal. It snows in Chicago.

Here's someone who did make something big about it. PRFer Rodabod filmed his mum's reaction to what he built in the front yard after London's snow storm.

To be warned, I consider this PG-13.

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Careful what you wish for

So let me get this straight. The Tea Party helped bring the GOP back to power by capitalizing on an electorate that was frustrated with the Democrats over their inability to reduce unemployment. Now this same GOP refuses to extend unemployment benefits to those very people who helped put them into a position of power.

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The last ride of the season

I hate winter. After the holidays, it is just four or five months of misery. A lot of people up north look forward to fall and the cooler weather it brings after enduring the heat and humidity of summer. To me, it means the end of riding season.

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Thumbing your nose at the collection agency

"This is an important message from NCO Financial..."

That is about as much of the robo-message I listen to before hitting the delete button on the answering machine. Then I pause for a moment to think to myself that this is a really stupid way to try to collect on a bad debt.

Before you get the wrong idea, I am not a deadbeat. That is my girlfriend.

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Let the book tour begin

Timing is everything, which is why former president George W. Bush waited until after the election to release his memoir Decision Points and make the usual appointed rounds along the book tour.

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What did you do with that box?

Hey Tom, what did you do with that box?

Um. . . what box?

The box you stood on to kiss the elephant's ass.

This is a conversation I had with Dave's dad many times as a kid, no matter how I tried to avoid it.

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