Note: the acronym (CMA) is a University Of Texas at Austin building name abbreviation for the College of Communication Building B

Hey guy who draws on the elevator doors every day with his nose grease. I just thought I’d drop you a line and tell you about the sunshine that you bring me every day.

Y’know, sometimes I come in to work with a frown on my face because of the heady political and social times we are living through. I’ll be all cloudy and stormy as I walk into CMB but then, what do I see? I see a wonderful and original work of art that’s drawn on the stainless steel doors of both elevators. Yes, it doesn’t even matter which one I get on because you (as a true artist) have taken full advantage of every canvas that is offered to you.

I must admit, I am a bit jealous of your bold artistic statements and wonder what you are doing in CMB, when you obviously should be in the art department with the brave talent that you put forth. I mean, the average person might draw an alien smiley-face, on the door that the custodians have to clean every night, one time, but you my friend… you are a visionary. You do it day after day, and semester after semester. I often wonder, guy who draws on the elevator doors every day with his nose grease, what people on the elevators think when you reach around the edge of your nose and start smearing your oily discharge on the door like some sort of savant, or the proverbial mental patient. I know you must do it in front of others because to think that you do it in secret would be kind of weird, and creepy, and I don’t want to picture you that way. I’ve noticed recently that you’ve taken to putting your greasy face-print on the door, and it begs the question; what are you eating that gives you such a greasy face? Is that part of the grander scheme, that you saturate your body with only the finest fats, so that you may please us every day with the negative-image print of a mentally-handicapped individual that only eats McDonald’s foods?

And to think, you are so into your art that you would actually lay your face against a surface that is touched daily by God knows how many hands. But of course, art knows no bounds.

Anyway, guy who draws on the elevator doors every day with his nose grease, I hope to see you continue proudly to delight us all (students, dj’s, visitors, KUT donors, cleaning staff) with your fine art meanderings. And don’t get discouraged and finally y’know, graduate or maybe figure that drawing on the inside of an elevator door with your oily discharge isn’t getting the point across to us. We understand you. You are an asshole.

5 Comment on “An open letter to the guy who draws on the elevator doors every day with his nose grease

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

%d bloggers like this: