In light of the recent posts by G-Bitch and Bob Hate about their experiences with undergraduates, I couldn’t help but add my own. What follows is a list of the typical questions I field from their all-to-young and all-to-immature students we call undergrads. Enjoy!
1: I’m not a good test taker.
Me: You probably don’t do a lot of other things well either.
2. I went over the night before, but when I am in class I can’t remember it.
Me: That means that you have learned to skim. Now try reading, note taking and review.
3. I am stressing out!
Me: Good. That means you have a pulse. Learn to deal with it! Stress doesn’t go away, ever.
4. Is there any extra credit in this class?
5. How do I get certified if I can’t pass the test?
Me: You don’t.
6. How do I get into this class if I don’t have the prereq?
Me: You don’t. You get the prereq.
7. I got a bad grade, but it was due to extenuating circumstances.
Me: Life is an extenuating circumstance.
8. I didn’t do the work, but I can prove to you that I know the material.
Me: No, you can’t. You already had your chance.
9. I will do anything for a higher grade.
Me: You probably would, but I’m too old.
10. I sorry for crying in your office?
Me: Yeah, I know. I cry when I have to come here, too.
11. I did the assignments, but the computer didn’t record them. What can you do about it?
12. I really need to get into this class.
Me: Well, I guess today’s lesson is about disappointment.
13. According to my calculations I should be getting a B.
Me: Yes, but mine are the ones that count).
14. I am only a half a percentage point from a B. Don’t you round up?
Me: No. It’s part of my evil plan.
15. For where I am right now, and in my situation, I deserve a B.
Me: You took the “I’m only competing with myself” adage too seriously.
16. I worked really hard so I think I deserve a B.
Me: Work smart, not hard.
17. I am going to graduate in December.
Me: Not according to my records.
18. You treated me differently because of my religious beliefs.
Me: I am sorry, but didn’t you want to be crucified?
19. I want an A in this class.
Me: [Singing] “You can’t always get what you want” by the Rolling Stones.
20. My daughter is a great student and if she doesn’t get into your class she won’t be able to graduate with a minor. And, that would be horrible, I would have to write to the president of the university because ….blah blah blah.
Me: Isn’t your daughter embarrassed by her mother? She should be!