Grant Bailie

Gays may now serve openly in the military (My bumper sticker worked; you’re welcome, gay people!) And some day, one imagines, they will be allowed to be marry each other too, at which point I would hate to be a young, bullet and commitment fearing gay person.

But this is a good day for freedom, if not a particularly good day for Mr. or Ms. Don’t-Shoot-Me-I’m-Not-Ready-to Settle-Down-And/Or-Die-Yet.

Francis Illington

As part of my job, I spend several or more hours a week winding through reel after reel of local newspaper microfilm. One thing I’ve learned over the years is that there’s no end to the wonders of nineteenth century life. Take, for example, advertisements for patent medicines. See a partial transcription below from a notice for Hostetter’s Stomach Bitters that appeared in a January 1895 daily from a small Midwestern city.

Jimmy Gabacho

The description sounded great: “Reclaim your life; rediscover the day; re-experience a rebirth of what it means to have a normal life,” then came the mind-numbing list of possible side effects. The announcer said, “Don’t take this treatment if you have a history of cirrhosis of the liver or kidney diseases, angina or any other kind of heart problem. You should also avoid this drug if you have a history of drug addiction or high blood pressure. This drug affects the central nervous system; it impairs thinking and reaction time. If you operate heavy machinery, you should not use this treatment. Further, the treatment could also cause life-threatening skin rashes, severe enough to require hospitalization. The rash is typically accompanied by high fever, sore throat, migraine headaches, vomiting and severe blistering, peeling and flaking off of the skin. This treatment is also known to be harmful to unborn and nursing babies, and can make certain types of birth-control less effective. The most-common side effects may include: agonizing headache; stomach cramps; nasal and anal bleeding, blood in stool, urine and vomit; irregular heartbeat; bloating; swelling of the face, lips and tongue; blurred vision; kidney stones; severe nausea; psoriasis; dizziness; slobbering; stupor; forgetfulness; depression; slurred and lethargic speech, and trouble sleeping. Suicidal depression, anxiety, seizures, thoughts of impending doom, hallucinations, psychosis, mania, aggressive and violent behavior, and other yet undetermined mental problems are not uncommon.”

Jimmy Gabacho

After downing all of the cold and flu medication I could find, we hit the road. I kept the hallucinations to myself. Although I was feeling better, the scenery and my mood, however, hadn’t improved very much. It happens every time I get a fever. The brain cooks a little bit and I get delusional. One time I was convinced that others were trying to poison me. Invariably I think too much when I am sick, and things bother me that I usually don’t notice. I begin with physical symptoms and then I assume that the problem is with the cosmos. This time was no different. I even contemplated the End of the World.

B2L2